Ottawa Softball Post Game 2, SBW Comp vs Playball Boys

The first two innings of this palpitating match up resembled Eric’s tinder game…. swipe and a miss. Thankfully for our defensive game, his pitching demonstrated his acute mastery of ball handling. He, of course, was supported by Justyn’s usual double plays in the infield. Not that I remember any particular moment of him doing that this game, but statistically, I feel I’m right.

Let’s see here… in no particular order of events unfolding because my memory resembles a Suds and buds BBQ party post margaritas.

– Isabelle mightily swung the shit out of her first bat like a third wave feminist being mansplained, until it was of course explained to her that she didn’t have to because this league has “balls”, that may or may not have been coincidently explained to her by a man. This trend continued as a fly ball to left rover was about to gently land in her glove when some asshole called her off and stole it, despite doing it with baryshnikovian grace. She stole the show back with her catch in right field near the line which undoubtedly saved a few runs.  (With a heads up throw in to get a double play, catching a runner tagging up)

– A surprise hit to left field left Pete dazed like the first pair of panties he watched drop in front of him. In his bewildered state, he reverted back to the technique he used then, closing his eyes and flailing his arms in the hope of hitting the right spot.

He coincidently also attempted to use this technique during his first two at bats. Like a game of child tee ball, we cheered for his mild success, but felt nothing but pain inside with the realization that he would never make it to the big leagues.

– Krystle actually had a surprisingly flawless game. Her game hasn’t been this clean since her pre-teen years. Without checking the score sheet that was given to me for this write up, I would assume she got some RBI’s.

– Eric….. did you even go up to bat? I forget.  (2/2 with the shittiest hits which he somehow legged out to one)

– Marie Eve’s game was marked by one single event. A laser ball hit to the right infield that she caught by extending her arm into the air, closing her eyes, praying to the drunken Gatineau god and snapping the out. She then casually starred at the batter, passive aggressively transmitting subliminal messages to eat shit mother fucker. With her confidence high, her next at bat laser hit the ball to the left short stop, where he sought his revenge.  As he casually snapped the grab, he retorted the subliminal transmission with “ what what…in the butt.”

– Lawrie for all intents and purposes had his usual game, breaking the space-time continuum shift with his inverted tachyon emission beam to first base.

Yadda yadda yadda…

Shit got real in the last inning. Two runs down. Justyn (Peter H, Justyn was the courtesy runner) gets to the plate and striking a perfectly hit ball down the crack of right field. A crack only matched by the fissure created by his glorious testicular camel toe.  It was then, that for the first time in his life, Lawrie took a stand. No more he said. I refuse to have someone else throwing shitty balls at me.  With all his might, and practically on his knees because the ball was so low, he swung, reaching for the skies. Home run. More people hit after that but I can’t really remember. If only I had some form of tracked record sheet.  (Isabelle got aboard, followed by Alexander. Michelle pushed the batters to scoring position)

A moment of enlightenment finally glistened upon Pete, like the first time he was shown a diagram of a clitoris. With the game in his hand (and two outs), he finally understood his purpose, and swung a perfectly clean hit to center field winning the game.

Woo woo!!

(Note:  Seb excluded to mention that Bonnie from the Bunnies chick-burned the bejesus out of him in centerfield)


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One comment to Ottawa Softball Post Game 2, SBW Comp vs Playball Boys

  • Alex Thomson

    actual tears of laughter coming from my eyes. Seb screw doing stupid science stuff do post games full time xD

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