Ottawa Softball Post Game 6, SBW Beer vs Tutti Frutti

It Ain’t Gay if it’s in a Three-Way


Let’s quickly get through the recap of the game so we can get down to the real shit haunting certain player(s) of the SBW league:

  • Peter H killed it as co-pitcher
  • The boys on the opposing team were tired of Isabelle catching their outfield hits and cracking near homeruns
  • Cameron chucked some decent balls to first base getting nearly every infield hitter OOOOUT!
  • Sarah Z dominated 2nd base as usual
  • Krystle annihilated only one ball this evening
  • Mills showed us how she effectively uses those hamstrings
  • Dan partook in his Friday night ritual – smoked some crack and played ball (which turned out great for him that night as he scored an out of park homerun)
  • Old man J ran faster than most of us
  • I got a fucking outfield hit!!! But that annoying mofo who’s trying to add me on Facebook (who I don’t even fucking know) mother fucking caught it!!!
  • Alex screwed the pooch and apparently danced his way into a tag out
  • Does anyone else notice that Captain Eric runs like Super Mario from the video games?
  • Aaaand Marty let his wife’s team beat us!

Ultimately we lost 17-6 or some shit, who’s counting?

Anyway, can somebody clarify something for me (and for others on the team who I KNOW are wondering the same thing): it’s not gay if it’s in a three-way, right? I know this technically isn’t defined (I’ve spent many hours Googling it online and I haven’t found one scientific article proving that having sex in a three-way with at least one person of the same sex is gay), but can someone share some insight, please?! Someone who’s at least had ONE three-way in their life?!! DANIEL!!! LOOKING AT YOU!!!!!

Let me get a little more detailed for anyone who may need more of a story. Let’s say you get invited to a three-way, not fully knowing the exact sex of the other two people showing up. Low and behold, turns out it’s you, your opposite sex friend, and their friend who’s the SAME SEX as you! By this time though, you’ve already shaved your body from neck to fucking toes and put on that $100 crotchless thing you bought at Victoria Secret three years ago not actually thinking you’d actually put it to good use. There’s no fucking way you’re turning around and driving 30 minutes back to your place now. YOU’RE HAVING A THREE WAY, GOD DAMNIT!

So what constitutes as gay? If your two vaginas/dicks touched? Does that mean you’re gay? How about if you kissed the same sex person, gay then? What if you were technically aroused and enjoyed the entire session? GAY?! Somebody please tell me where the line is!!! Oh and, um, if you wind up pregnant, do the three of you have to raise the baby?

Just asking for a friend. Thanks for the help.

Yours Truly,


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